Thursday, 27 July 2017

Slacking in your heart

Hello Child of God,

I have been slacking...

In my faith, in building my spirituality. I cringe at the voice of people speaking positively. In my mind  I think to myself "life is not all cupcakes and rainbows", yes I stole that from Trolls, and then I continue to think "you cannot possibly be high everyday of your life just because! even Paul had it rough and could admit it." I know I sound horrible but I cannot help it and that has been the downfall of my slacking.

The bitterness of me is creeping in. I am sitting here recognising my demise. Most of all I am writing this to warn you, to learn from me and not allow yourself to go deeper down this road, as I am trying not to.

Remember this:

 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.".
First of all I am not married, neither am I fornicating, my point of this passage is that a sin can be committed internally in your heart. And I have done this continually, enjoyably so! *cringe* I am being completely honest with you. The works of the flesh can be so gratifying it is disgusting. You are to be careful to let go of this before it manifest itself in to being.

I have been holding on to unforgiveness for some time and have admittedly accepted it without taking any action of overcoming it. So embarrassing for a Christian right? Please don't judge me, for I am only human, and I am a woman! And not only has this been towards someone else but it has also been towards me. I have refused to acknowledge that I am human as much as I just admitted it a few words ago, but I keep killing myself over things that I cannot change and thank God I am not going through depression over this.

One other thing is that I may have been having nonreligious thoughts about my single life. I miss God and in turn I have replaced this time with other things instead of spending it with him like I used to. I got a new job and my studies picked up and God took the backseat as usual. I am not kidding about this, as much as I had pumped myself up that I would put him first and above all, I have not! I may be doing so in certain areas of my life but not my whole life.  I am also enjoying the fruits of my labour too much that I am starting to live in this world as of this world( I hope that makes sense). 

What has this boiled down to? Like I have mentioned earlier, bitterness. I am not as graceful as I once was a couple of months ago. I have taken a lot on my shoulders and not consulting my Father, the only time I would go down on my knees is when anxiety tries to creep in. I was /am using God as a coping mechanism. The self-shaming is also prevalent. That is also what I have been suffering, and inflicting on my self. Another one is which is most dangerous, is staying away from God's work, and I have probably mentioned this somewhere in this blog. Once you start enjoying self , all the spirits desires become faint and you don't build the courage to get back to the Holy of Holies. I have also become jealous of other people's relationship with God, this is when I asked myself what the deuce? Girl get yourself together!

But there is always a chance in God's hands. and today I have been meditating on this word

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
I am not excusing my bad behaviour, but I don't want it to hinder me from doing God's work. Someone told me that is how the devil stops us from doing God's work. We get tricked, give into our desires and then guilt strikes and all of a sudden we don't feel worthy anymore, we stop volunteering (I have, but I am going back). We focus on ourselves again and forget our purpose to serve. We feel like our indiscretions mess up the word of God. Solomon did not mess up the word, David did not mess up the word of God. I am reminded in the midst of my failures that I have a lifetime to practise living in his grace and I am not always gonna get it right at the same time I am reminded I am not alone.

This post is my first attempt of breaking out of this and exalting my Saviour. I have not figured it out but all I can say is, while you are repenting,asking for forgiveness and believing you have received it,  continue to pray and bring your request to your Father. Don't separate yourself from your church family even if they don't know the details. Read the word of God, it is at times like these that you need it to meditate on it, trust me. The way I am so desperate for him , scriptures just pop out of my head lol. I won't give up though and if you are in a similar situation don't give up too, we have come too far and until the day of Jesus Christ we must keep rising.

Thank you Holy Spirit, I hope this touches someone as much as it has touched me. I pray for the reader who is going through this to have faith in you and trust that you have not abandoned them, may you give them strength to prevail and guidance to get back on the path you have set for them. Shield them from the devil, in your word you tell us that you wont give us more than we can handle and I confess that over their lives Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Until next post, God bless...

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Worshipping and Praising God

Hey Child of God,

There is no greater thing you can do for yourself than this! Honestly speaking, you know that feeling you get when you lift your hands up to the Lord in total surrender or worship and praise! Amazing.

Do you try to mimic the person you are at church when you are at home? Why not? I am also no expert but I try most times. It feels like I am bringing heaven down in to my bedroom, living room or kitchen where ever I may be, even the bathroom stall at work ( I am serious). I do this because there is no better thing that could keep me calm or give me a good mood than this.

I read on some Christian blogs that worshipping can be in many different forms, though we have made singing the most standard way. The definition of worship is "show reverence and adoration of (a deity) in our it is God, and this has been done by building churches where we physically go to worship. 
The definition of praise is "express warm approval or admiration of" and this would be of Jesus. I sure do admire him a lot!
The reason I am stating the difference between the two is because I want us to be aware of how we praise and worship and whether we are praising and worshipping. And also to know if you want to praise or worship, they often go together but sometimes as we do operate with feelings more often than not we tend to not feel like worshipping at that moment, or you would be tired and not feel like praising. But an obedient Christian would know to do one or the other or both either way. say praise can be offered to family, friends and in other relationships in our lives. Praise is an expression. Often in the Bible it is associated with singing,shouting, clapping hands and playing musical instruments.

Worship is far deeper and can only be given to God, you are to worship him with all your being. I guess when this happens you would feel moved within depths of your spirit. And weep endlessly ( like moi lol). This is lovely food for the soul. Worship requires all your attention, it does not depend on circumstance where God may have carried you through something. I guess we are more likely to not worship as it requires to be in a place of self loss than we are to praise. The easiest way to worship for me is to start of with praise which always ushers me into a place of worship and reverence to the Lord, and then I find myself at his feet in adoration.

I have lost myself in writing this piece, my first intention was to encourage you to worship and praise the Lord at all times, I find myself delving deeper into the two. Now that we know the difference I guess it helps us know how to praise and worship better and also know when we are praising and/or worshipping our God. When doing these two it must be with great joy, admiration, humility, adoration and surrender. Praise and worship can also be a lifestyle, your everyday life can be used as worship, for you will be surrendering to God and humbling yourself before him at all times. And you can just utter phrases of praises throughout your day.

Practising these things will surely strengthen your faith and relationship with God. Next time you pray lift your hands up and kneel, it physically and spiritually makes a difference, it is also the best way to invite Holy Spirit in. Feel free to add in your suggestions on how to improve on worshipping and praising God and encouragement as well to keep on it.

I hope this post has blessed you, until next post. God bless...

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Admit your defeat to the Lord.

Hello child of God,

This came into my mind the other day when I had to admit my defeat , that I did not realise as defeat. This correlated with the verse that says not to worry about anything but pray about everything. and the other one in Proverbs that says you should surrender your plans to the Lord. I will put in the scriptures.

I have mentioned in one of my posts that I could be suffering from depression but I do not want to wear that. So when my day suddenly has dark clouds , I go into remission so bad that I go to the bathroom and cry. The last time I stopped myself from crying, because I realised that this was becoming a habit and I had a view of myself as someone who is always crying sorrowfully and it is not pleasant at all. I stood in there and told God I am tired of crying, I am tired of coming to this place where I just feel hollow and sorrowful. I was accepting my defeat to depression to God. I also acknowledged a possible cause of my downfall for that moment and it led me to realise an even greater cause and this did not help at all lol, but I fought those tears.
In addition to this, you can also confide in someone you trust. we are not meant to lead life by ourselves. Talking to a person may also give you a different view of what you are going through and then you can relay it in prayer whenever you pray.

On a regular basis I lay my thoughts at his feet, I announce all that has been on my mind before prayer(or beginning of prayer) or at the moment it happens especially if it is bothering me. As this happens Holy Spirit reveals to me a deeper cause or a resolution. In prayer I then ask for council and guidance. Depression can be a very confusing state, and when asking for council it is to understand what I am feeling, to know what is this storm that is raging in me.

I am a loner, and this has kept me from realising that I need people around. When that kicked in it hurt,especially when I am actively trying to make friends and being open to people. I had to lay that at God's feet, that I am a loner and I would like some help in changing that. There could be more serious problems that you could be facing and as much as you try to receive God's forgiveness and live each day with his grace, you are still carrying or holding on to a defeat, maybe because you are ashamed of it or you don't want to admit it.

Let this post speak to you and help you lay it at his feet, admit to your  Lord that you are not able at that/this moment, and allow him to do his work in you, through you. If you have any more to add to this feel free to share your revelation with others and me.

Until next post, God bless...

Monday, 7 November 2016

Holy Spirit is grieving

Hello you, interesting heading right? I did not know what to name it but these days I have been feeling a certain feeling of grief, hits the nerves and I cannot say it is from me, I don't know how to quite explain it but when I got it,  I asked Holy Spirit why am I feeling like this and he told me that he is grieving or at least that is how I understood it. When Joyce Meyer said you are grieving the holy spirit in one of the YouTube videos I did not understand what she meant but this feeling explained or gave me an idea. It made sense!

-Forgive me for diving right into it. I hope you are doing ok, I know it has been a while and I don't have any excuses, I have been more focused on the other blog, please forgive me.-

That is me trying to explain the gist of what I am about to get in depth with. The first story is about a mother who found her daughter and nephew(7 & 8 respectively) engaging in sexual behaviour and she was morbid, as a parent I was too, I could not fathom the emotions that woman was going through and she was seeking for help on forums. This made me so angry that I felt nauseous , I could not focus at work for quite some that I had to excuse myself and take some time with God to understand what could possibly cause this. It turned out that the nephew was abused and he thought of it as normal behaviour and taught the little girl.

The second is about a mother having trouble with a rebellious teenager, I relate to this more because I was once a rebellious teenager. And this one broke my heart. This one is very short I know and probably the most typical but it is important for the same reason.

I will start with the 2nd story. As I said before I too was a rebellious teenager, had a very rocky relationship with my mom-she was married to my step -dad and i did not like him- to the point that we did not speak in the same house( her stubbornness and mine were not helpful at this stage). Yes there was a lot spiritual immaturity involved. This was from Grade 11 to 12, by the end of the 12th year we were best buds, planning Matric dance together (hair, dress, nails etc). It was weird very weird! It has been like that till now, us as best buds.
On my 2nd year of Uni I was breaking down, having trouble to forgive myself for the way I was some time ago and not understanding how could my mom have forgiven me for all that I put her through. This was a perfect opportunity for God to minister to me about His role in our lives. Through this I saw the love of God that it is greater that anything and that He forgives. I understood the role of a parent and what pain they go through and when I heard of this situation I thought of that. And now that I am a parent I feel the heartbreak all the more.

With the first story , I get a whole lot of mixed emotions. I feel compassion for this woman, she does not know where to go.  I got so angry at the devil, I cursed at him. Truth be told! I was thinking "satane o moleko" ______, how can you put this woman through such! I was raging. Now I am saddened. The devil is a liar! He has lied to those children, he has put fear in that woman's heart. And this is when I realised that Holy Spirit is grieving over the foundation of his kingdom. His kingdom is made of the likeness of these young kids yet the devil has managed to corrupt them! He is a liar.

Holy Spirit is grieving over his children because they are being corrupted continuously, by men with evil hearts and the world that we live in. The devil has lied to our teenagers, he has driven confusion into their minds, he has abused our little children and they are growing up knowing wrong as right! 
I urge parents to stand in prayer for other parents to be covered in strength and courage. To be calm when facing these situations, to have the right words when talking to their children. To not despair but trust in the Lord, to ask the Lord to help with his creation. The victory is God's and together in prayer we shall defeat and reverse the things the devil has done. Let us keep our children in prayer and lead them under God's guidance.

As I was thinking about this, I realised that through prayer I trust the Lord will prevail in these children's lives and He will use them for His glory. Those kids will help others build others for his kingdom. Their story will be a testimony one day.

Thank you very much for reading,
Until next post, God bless...

Thursday, 15 September 2016

Giving up on God?

Hello Child of God ,

Bizarre title right?Yes but I know that most of us out there get stuck at this corner and that happened to be me since last night. Imagine spending your birthday(today) battling with yourself about your faith, the devil is a liar shame!

I think I have some form of depression though I do not want to get diagnosed. It comes out in a form of anger and silence from the rest of the world. So I was having one of those episodes of impending doom, I guess to the point that I wanted to give up on my faith. Yes, two weeks after getting baptised this is what happens? God where are you? He was there trust me I just did not want to talk to him.

I spent the whole night yesterday fighting with God and fighting with myself and this huge overwhelming emotion of negativity. I could not understand that I spent the whole day meditating on his word and this is the end result of it? I felt defeated, praying before I sleep was just like saying good night to your husband without kissing him. I was not in it. I was feeling so defeated because this is not the first time I was going through this and it brought me to the same space and now again?

So as I was battling with myself, I was realising that giving up on God means giving up on life itself, I had no other options and could not imagine living life without Him but I still did not want to talk to him, I did not want him. My frustration with him was that I was not receiving my strength, encouragement and energy to carry me through these conflicting emotions, I wasn't asking for immediate healing, solving my financial problems. I just wanted him to strengthen me because I am beyond tired, I am relying on him but I feel no resolution.

I then spent half of my day reading posts like this one about giving up on your faith and one blogger said that you can not rely on your feelings when it comes to giving up, if you feel like giving up it is when you should never give up and I knew that but my stubbornness was not having any of it. And another blogger said he would meditate on the word of God, so I thought I should give that a try again and it was starting to help.

Now I am writing this totally in awe of the person of God, the battle from last night till now seems like it has been forever. If there is anything I have learned in the past 24 hours is that God will bring you to your knees if need be. I could tell that he was not giving up his fight for me through all that was happening around me and this was told to me through my boyfriend when he gave  me the scripture of Ruth 3:18 . He made sure that my day ended brighter than it had started. When you have given your heart to God, truly seeking after him even in the midst of the storm you will find yourself praising him especially when you don't feel like it. I had to humble myself and admit to my boyfriend what I am struggling with though he was the last person I wanted to talk to.

Everything does work for the good to those who love the Lord. I witnessed that today. If you are in this trap, don't give up as much as you hate hearing that don't give up. Don't give the enemy this chance, don't let his trap work. It is most likely a point of breakthrough so hang on. God was probing my heart all day to talk to him and I was refusing but eventually I did, I ended the day with prayer. I saw God's favour today in all the small things and that is where you should focus. When you know that you are in constant fellowship with him you will know when he is talking to you, give ear and take heart. 
Dear child of God do not give up on your faith, this is when it needs you to not give up because it is getting sharpened really hard. Open up to people and let them know how you feel, seek prayer from family, friends and church . When support comes it's way receive it with open arms.

Father God, I bring close the person who is reading and thinking that this is what I am going through. Probe their heart as you did mine and shower them with your love, strength and support. Bring them down to their knees Lord. Even through this Lord I pray that they find themselves praising you still and resisting the devil. I pray in Jesus' mighty name. Amen
Ruth 3:18 Then Naomi said, “Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today.”

Until next post, God bless.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016


Hello Child of God,

Hot fueled anger! One of the most passionate things you have ever felt is anger and it is so nice, don't lie, it's best to admit it. Okay it is nice to me but at the same time I know it is not something that should linger for long but now that is where the problem is...

Most of the time I write as I feel or as I go through something so that I can deliver the message fresh as it is. I never really knew that I am an angry person until one bad relationship had to happen. So I guess the right buttons were not pushed up until that moment, I was always a person who had the "I am calm, cool and collected" mantra on replay in my head.
So that one bad incident happened and I exploded in anger, I did not know what to do but my anger ended up in a week long obsession and mutterings that were not helpful both to me and the person who made me angry(we need to be careful of this because our words hold a lot of power). I had known somewhat about Jesus but most of all I knew that what I was doing was wrong, I had to stop myself and eventually say "Tshego you got to stop, what you are doing is wrong in the eyes of God". Yes I knew I was not supposed to go a day let alone sleep on it and then wake up with the same fury, the fire did not want to stop!

Jumping to now, I still have this anger to my now boyfriend(it's a long story that will be shared when the time is right)-but I need to get this point across to you. Of course it was caused by something but it fuels out of proportion. There was a point where it was out of control and I can honestly tell you the root of this is insecurities. I did not realise this until I had to step out of my shoes and you know who stepped in, JESUS! lol. Yes, for real though, I had to step down because this confusion of this burning flame of anger inside was starting to get out of control. You don't want to feel anger to the point that you want to burn everything down then you know something is wrong.

So as I was consulting with Holy Spirit, I was very open to him and stated that I do not know why am I still angry help me overcome this and help me see from which direction is this coming from. It has been quiet a while since I have been asking and today I find myself having to go back to that place again because my hot temper is flaring up. The enemy was the cause of this somehow. You know when you get angry at a person for saying hello(an example, just roll with it) and you yourself are left confused. That is what the enemy does. If you have watched War Room, the grandma tells the woman to stop fighting your husband he is not the person you should be fighting. The same thing was happening here. The enemy will be behind the voice and knows that your weakness will take over and if you have a quick mouth like me then you would end up in an unpleasant situation.

If you are like me and struggling, remember that you are not alone, God is with you. Trust him with your issues, confess your anger problem to him and ask him to deliver you from it. You may need to do this daily completely trusting that he is at work within you. I did not get to see changes immediately as I started to address this issue but I knew I desperately needed help from him. Over time I noticed that I am not so quick to talk. Which is also something I asked helped for, that my tongue should be tamed or tied if necessary. All of this requires self-discipline as well. I can only give credit to God that my anger and my sharp tongue have been a work in progress and I know when I feel like I am falling again I can just hold his hand. Yes, so be aware of what the enemy uses to get you furious and pray against his traps.

Please do not let your anger go longer than a day, the Bible speaks against that. As Christians we should not hold on to grudges it does not help us build the church and become one body, so if you hold on to negative feeling they will take a while to leave and cause disruption within the body. I will probably touch on this again soon and give you an update/testimony.

Please comment how you get through this and how has God helped you. A word of encouragement is always appreciated.
Until next post, God bless...

Sunday, 4 September 2016

Tribute to my God

Hello Child of God,

It feels like I am neglecting my other blog for this one lately. Today I got baptised(04/09/2016). Yes you may have thought that I have been baptised already and I am sure a lot of people are going to be confused and some happy for taking this decision and going through with it.

I feel exhilarated, jittery, I want to jump on walls. I want to shout out his name on the roof tops. I have not stopped smiling ever since I left church. I am excited, too much, I am holding back tears. I cannot think of any other day to write this.
To the Lord of Hosts,the Sovereign Lord glory be you. I am in awe of all that you are ever since I have accepted you in my life and today marks that. Today marked how much I want to do this for you, that I am willing to trust you with my all.Today made it official that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour.
Praise be the name of Jesus. 

Philippians 3:14King James Version (KJV)

14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.