Thursday, 15 September 2016

Giving up on God?

Hello Child of God ,

Bizarre title right?Yes but I know that most of us out there get stuck at this corner and that happened to be me since last night. Imagine spending your birthday(today) battling with yourself about your faith, the devil is a liar shame!

I think I have some form of depression though I do not want to get diagnosed. It comes out in a form of anger and silence from the rest of the world. So I was having one of those episodes of impending doom, I guess to the point that I wanted to give up on my faith. Yes, two weeks after getting baptised this is what happens? God where are you? He was there trust me I just did not want to talk to him.

I spent the whole night yesterday fighting with God and fighting with myself and this huge overwhelming emotion of negativity. I could not understand that I spent the whole day meditating on his word and this is the end result of it? I felt defeated, praying before I sleep was just like saying good night to your husband without kissing him. I was not in it. I was feeling so defeated because this is not the first time I was going through this and it brought me to the same space and now again?

So as I was battling with myself, I was realising that giving up on God means giving up on life itself, I had no other options and could not imagine living life without Him but I still did not want to talk to him, I did not want him. My frustration with him was that I was not receiving my strength, encouragement and energy to carry me through these conflicting emotions, I wasn't asking for immediate healing, solving my financial problems. I just wanted him to strengthen me because I am beyond tired, I am relying on him but I feel no resolution.

I then spent half of my day reading posts like this one about giving up on your faith and one blogger said that you can not rely on your feelings when it comes to giving up, if you feel like giving up it is when you should never give up and I knew that but my stubbornness was not having any of it. And another blogger said he would meditate on the word of God, so I thought I should give that a try again and it was starting to help.

Now I am writing this totally in awe of the person of God, the battle from last night till now seems like it has been forever. If there is anything I have learned in the past 24 hours is that God will bring you to your knees if need be. I could tell that he was not giving up his fight for me through all that was happening around me and this was told to me through my boyfriend when he gave  me the scripture of Ruth 3:18 . He made sure that my day ended brighter than it had started. When you have given your heart to God, truly seeking after him even in the midst of the storm you will find yourself praising him especially when you don't feel like it. I had to humble myself and admit to my boyfriend what I am struggling with though he was the last person I wanted to talk to.

Everything does work for the good to those who love the Lord. I witnessed that today. If you are in this trap, don't give up as much as you hate hearing that don't give up. Don't give the enemy this chance, don't let his trap work. It is most likely a point of breakthrough so hang on. God was probing my heart all day to talk to him and I was refusing but eventually I did, I ended the day with prayer. I saw God's favour today in all the small things and that is where you should focus. When you know that you are in constant fellowship with him you will know when he is talking to you, give ear and take heart. 
Dear child of God do not give up on your faith, this is when it needs you to not give up because it is getting sharpened really hard. Open up to people and let them know how you feel, seek prayer from family, friends and church . When support comes it's way receive it with open arms.

Father God, I bring close the person who is reading and thinking that this is what I am going through. Probe their heart as you did mine and shower them with your love, strength and support. Bring them down to their knees Lord. Even through this Lord I pray that they find themselves praising you still and resisting the devil. I pray in Jesus' mighty name. Amen
Ruth 3:18 Then Naomi said, “Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today.”

Until next post, God bless.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Anger!

Hello Child of God,

Hot fueled anger! One of the most passionate things you have ever felt is anger and it is so nice, don't lie, it's best to admit it. Okay it is nice to me but at the same time I know it is not something that should linger for long but now that is where the problem is...

Most of the time I write as I feel or as I go through something so that I can deliver the message fresh as it is. I never really knew that I am an angry person until one bad relationship had to happen. So I guess the right buttons were not pushed up until that moment, I was always a person who had the "I am calm, cool and collected" mantra on replay in my head.
So that one bad incident happened and I exploded in anger, I did not know what to do but my anger ended up in a week long obsession and mutterings that were not helpful both to me and the person who made me angry(we need to be careful of this because our words hold a lot of power). I had known somewhat about Jesus but most of all I knew that what I was doing was wrong, I had to stop myself and eventually say "Tshego you got to stop, what you are doing is wrong in the eyes of God". Yes I knew I was not supposed to go a day let alone sleep on it and then wake up with the same fury, the fire did not want to stop!

Jumping to now, I still have this anger to my now boyfriend(it's a long story that will be shared when the time is right)-but I need to get this point across to you. Of course it was caused by something but it fuels out of proportion. There was a point where it was out of control and I can honestly tell you the root of this is insecurities. I did not realise this until I had to step out of my shoes and you know who stepped in, JESUS! lol. Yes, for real though, I had to step down because this confusion of this burning flame of anger inside was starting to get out of control. You don't want to feel anger to the point that you want to burn everything down then you know something is wrong.

So as I was consulting with Holy Spirit, I was very open to him and stated that I do not know why am I still angry help me overcome this and help me see from which direction is this coming from. It has been quiet a while since I have been asking and today I find myself having to go back to that place again because my hot temper is flaring up. The enemy was the cause of this somehow. You know when you get angry at a person for saying hello(an example, just roll with it) and you yourself are left confused. That is what the enemy does. If you have watched War Room, the grandma tells the woman to stop fighting your husband he is not the person you should be fighting. The same thing was happening here. The enemy will be behind the voice and knows that your weakness will take over and if you have a quick mouth like me then you would end up in an unpleasant situation.


If you are like me and struggling, remember that you are not alone, God is with you. Trust him with your issues, confess your anger problem to him and ask him to deliver you from it. You may need to do this daily completely trusting that he is at work within you. I did not get to see changes immediately as I started to address this issue but I knew I desperately needed help from him. Over time I noticed that I am not so quick to talk. Which is also something I asked helped for, that my tongue should be tamed or tied if necessary. All of this requires self-discipline as well. I can only give credit to God that my anger and my sharp tongue have been a work in progress and I know when I feel like I am falling again I can just hold his hand. Yes, so be aware of what the enemy uses to get you furious and pray against his traps.

Please do not let your anger go longer than a day, the Bible speaks against that. As Christians we should not hold on to grudges it does not help us build the church and become one body, so if you hold on to negative feeling they will take a while to leave and cause disruption within the body. I will probably touch on this again soon and give you an update/testimony.

Please comment how you get through this and how has God helped you. A word of encouragement is always appreciated.
Until next post, God bless...

Sunday, 4 September 2016

Tribute to my God

Hello Child of God,

It feels like I am neglecting my other blog for this one lately. Today I got baptised(04/09/2016). Yes you may have thought that I have been baptised already and I am sure a lot of people are going to be confused and some happy for taking this decision and going through with it.

I feel exhilarated, jittery, I want to jump on walls. I want to shout out his name on the roof tops. I have not stopped smiling ever since I left church. I am excited, too much, I am holding back tears. I cannot think of any other day to write this.
To the Lord of Hosts,the Sovereign Lord glory be you. I am in awe of all that you are ever since I have accepted you in my life and today marks that. Today marked how much I want to do this for you, that I am willing to trust you with my all.Today made it official that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour.
Praise be the name of Jesus. 

Philippians 3:14King James Version (KJV)

14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.


Fear. A destructive obstacle!

 Hello Child of God

Truth be told I never thought I would get the strength to take this path, but here I am blogging about my journey with Christ. Taking Bible study plans and posting pictures of scriptures on Instagram. Mind you when I post these pictures I still have a pang in my heart that wants me to withdraw but then I challenge that feeling and exalt Jesus instead.

And this all boils down to being obedient and trusting in God that he is leading me in the way he wants me to go. This has been burning in my heart for quite some time but I was just so afraid to take that step, to take that leap and be Christ's ambassador. I am still embracing that, I am still battling daily to embrace that..

If God is calling you to come forth for him, you are going to experience a lot of conflicting feelings. You are going to be faced with some serious decision making, but it is a very simple choice to make yet holds such a weight and yields a huge impact in ones life. And these conflicting emotions are when the enemy is trying to distract you from making the decision your heart yearns to make.

I was afraid(and still am) mostly about what my friends are going to think of me. I have always stayed true to my paths form a very young age. I have always made known my values and beliefs to those around me but when it came to this, I started having that disease of being worried about what these same people are going to think of me.
And I believe this is what most young people struggle with and later on in life you kind of get mad at yourself that you were not brave enough. We all know that fear is not of God, it says so in scripture, God did not give us fear. Then we should know when fear arises for whatever reason it is, is not from God.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
I can imagine how hard it is for young people to go through this without any support because of how the world has become. Being obedient to God is seen as not cool, you are viewed as backward, you are not keeping up with the trend - the cause of so many young Christians living a secular life. The way of God does not follow the way of the world. When taking this journey you are setting yourself apart for God's work.

My encouragement to you is to be brave and not be ashamed, you do not want to be ashamed of what Jesus did for us. Take heart because you are going to be judged about the sudden change of life, you are going to receive blows in places you won't expect so brace yourself. And when these blows come , rejoice because that is when your faith is being strengthened. I have not received any criticism yet but I expect it. It is better to prepare for the worst, not everyday is all sunshine and rainbows, but with Christ you can still rejoice in it. Ask Holy Spirit to be with you and walk with you. Everyday I choose Christ over my fears and insecurities, so you too will have to make that choice.

God's spirit is overflowing, grab at it while you still can. I hope this has blessed and has brought you closer to Jesus, it is all for him.
John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Until next post, God bless

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Getting Sidetracked!

Hello Child of God,

I hope that you are having a blessed week and not getting side tracked from God's presence as you go about your daily life.

I am going to try and give you some pointers in this post about when you are getting side tracked and how to overcome it. As a Christian you should already know that the enemy is always out to get you, laying traps along your narrow path to distract you and we need to be vigilant of this.

When I first thought about writing this post I was getting sidetracked conveniently so lol. I was strengthening my prayer life by kneeling every night to pray before I sleep and playing music that brings me to that place of worship and praise, and this was happening every night for almost about 2 weeks. I was enjoying my new routine, the presence of God and peaceful sleep(I can't sleep well or long if I have not prayed).

And recently as well, I was getting side tracked from fasting. I was giving myself reasons that I am not healthy enough, my lethargy will get me. I was making so many excuses and one of them was, I won't last a day and that is when I realised that this is not from God. So I made myself fast for a day impulsively( I don't suggest you do this) and had to rely on God to take me through it and got humbled.

The first thing you should notice is getting comfortable in your habit. Meaning that you do not seek for more. You don't want to amplify yourself. You are happy staying at that same position, being reading the bible on Sunday only or something of that state.

Second thing is altering your difficult habit to make it easier for you. And this goes along with being comfortable. I started praying lying in bed instead of going on my knees and that was it, I would make an excuse that it is cold. At some point I stopped playing the gospel music before bed which then did not put me in the space that I needed to be to go on my knees. Not that I need to be put a space to pray but if I can make that easy and readily accessible then so be it.

Being embarrassed by praying in public or reading your bible in public would be the third thing. I used to only say Grace for food at home or restaurants when I am with friends, but not at work. It is a very small thing to overlook but it will affect your prayer life.

Lastly is making excuses to do anything that brings you close to God. That alone should indicate that this not God's voice. And when you make an excuse once it is easier to make it again. Funnily bad habits become very easy to get used to than the ones that require effort and are for our own good.

When you miss your prayer , and you remember that you missed it , pray at that moment. If it's before you sleep, get out of bed(yes I do too) and pray. God will appreciate your effort. I believe it is far better giving a heartfelt prayer with your mind and body fully awake than lying in bed and being like "God I forgot to pray so here I am. Amen". Prayers done in bed for me have proven to be very useless because I would fall asleep before I even say Amen.

Once you have established a habit, a time slot for prayers, reading your bible etc. Don't stray from it but instead do more of it. Read your bible more, get to know the Word more, listen to uplifting music more. Seek to be in his presence more. The more you practice the more effortless it becomes.

When an excuse comes to mind challenge it. Bring it forth to God. Ask yourself if it is worth losing that precious moment you're sowing into your life and potentially others as well. I got angry with myself when I noticed that I had stopped creating that lovely ambiance that just dropped to my knees and I realised the dangers of allowing a second of an excuse just to be "regular" for a day, to take a break from my virtues. That break is not needed. Always assess where you are in your walk, especially if you used to do something awesome for God daily and now you realised that you suddenly stopped but you don't know how.

I know we lead a busy life but God is omnipresent so he knows where your heart is at all times. Take advantage of your busy schedule to use it for his glory. Pray in the bus/taxi/train, pray for the passengers or read your bible. Listen to uplifting music throughout the day to remember him. And this helps a lot in edifying your character to be like that of Christ.

I hope that this blesses and encourages you to stay in your narrow path, resisting the enemy! Share with us the moments where you have been side tracked and how did you move past that.Until next post, God bless...


17. Mark 1:35 And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.